twirls in nightmares
by daisydazedays
Summary: If Massie Block were to count her blessings, she'd count Derrick twice because that was all she had. :oneshot: For Livvy; happy belated birthday.


**Happy belated birthday, Livvy. You are the only one I'd ever write Massington for. **

**.**

"_Come with me, and you'll be in a world of pure imagination..."_

_The little boy smiles up at her, his brown eyes big and happy. The four-year-old girl tries to smile back, thinks she is, but when little Derrick's smile fades away, she knows she doesn't._

_Instead, she grabs his little hand. "Come with me."_

_Once the two reach the backyard, Massie grabs a long rope from the almost-frozen greenhouse. Her amber eyes are alight with glee as she pushes Derrick down to the cold ground. _

_She's not a forceful or angry little girl. In fact, she's quite the opposite. In her eyes, when she shoves the little boy to the grass, she's being gentle and loving. All she wants to do is play with him, make him be happy like she is._

_His blonde hair is ruffled as he cries out, and she mistakes it for a laugh. Derrick looks up at her again. "What are we doing? The snow is making me cold."_

_Massie thinks his voice is beautiful. It's like honey and violins, ringing out in that special way of his that made him different from the other little boys. That's why she likes him; he's different. "We're going to play a game."_

_The little boy struggles as Massie ties the thick rope around his left ankle. It's a short rope, but long enough for her. The end is tied to some strange, heavy object. Massie lifts the object with all of her strength and carries it the short distance over to the side of the pool. _

_Derrick hops along, without a choice. "I don't think I like this game."_

_Massie sighs, then giggles. "But you will, Derry! Trust me. Don't you trust me?"_

_He looks up into her wide amber eyes, hesitant. He remembers that this girl is his very best friend, and that she knows a lot more than him. If she says this is fun, shouldn't he trust her? "Okay. I trust you."_

_They locked their pinkies together, and Massie knocked the heavy object off the side and into the pool. She notices that Derrick is starting to sweat a little, and she mistakes it for anticipation and excitement. She doesn't believe that he can be scared. She smiles and her curls bounce as she hops from one foot to the other. "Okay. This is the funnest part."_

_Derrick chokes back a sob, tears falling from his innocent eyes. Without any warning, he is being pushed off the edge. He plunges into the deep, deep waters, finally choosing to scream. The waters drown any sound out._

_Massie looks down into the pool, sees him floundering around deep down in the deep end. She laughs and claps her hands. Surely Derrick was having fun by now. This was the best part! She stands on the edge, looking down into waters and smiling. Later, she thinks that he might have fallen asleep, that his now-still body is finally at peace with the waters, that he was finally getting the game. _

_What she doesn't know won't hurt her. _

"_Take a look, and you'll see into your imagination..." _

**.**

Sitting on the floral window seat, Massie stares out from behind the open shutters. She thinks Derrick Harrington is a superior breed, that she'll never meet another boy like him in her entire lifetime. She watches as he moves around the front yard, alone and kicking around the soccer ball. She places her chin in her hands, sighs contentedly at the beautiful sight.

The feelings she has for him were a schoolgirl fantasy, a passionate lust, and an old-time love all swirled up together inside of her. She feels like she was walking on clouds whenever she thought of him, feels like he is a light, airy paperweight on her back.

Derrick is the most special person Massie has ever met, and different from the rest of the boys in New York. Massie likes to sit alone in her room sometimes, and cry. She cries for Derrick, hoping that he'll one day feel all the love she's always tried to give him. He's a magnificent boy, and it doesn't matter that he's also the cutest boy she's ever seen. That's just a plus. She really likes Callan McAuliff, and thinks that Derrick looks just like him.

Massie's never kissed a boy before, but she'd sure like to kiss Derrick Harrington.

.

_Little Massie sits down at the dinner table, calmly waiting for her father to pass the mash potatoes her way. _

_Her mother is sitting across from her, a stern look on her aging face. "Massie. Where have you been?"_

_The little girl twirls her curls around one of her little fingers, lifting her fork and stabbing at the steak pieces on her porcelain plate. She giggles, raising her head up high and biting the meat. "In the cellar, Momma."_

_Instead of telling her daughter to stay out of the basement, Kendra frowns. "Mrs. Harrington called. She wanted to know if any of us had seen Derrick."_

_Massie sighs, pushing her green beans around on the plate. "I haven't talked to him. The last time I saw him, he was in the backyard. Playing around by the greenhouse."_

_William made a long "ah" noise. "Were you playing with him?"_

_Massie slides off of the tall chair, her little black shoes tapping on the wooden floor. She doesn't think about the splash, or about how she opened up the greenhouse herself. She simply walks away towards the stairs, stopping before them to say one last thing._

"_No."_

.

The brunette jerks upward, covering her mouth with a pillow to muffle the screams. The room is dark, very dark. The only things she remembers about her nightmare is water, and being pulled down deeper and deeper.

Maybe this was why she despised water so much, because of the nightmares. She doesn't know how to swim. She doesn't remember anything bad happening to her when she was young, so she's stuck on why water frightens her so badly. Maybe she'll ask Derrick, or her parents. She just didn't remember anything from when she was little.

Lying back down, she starts to bawl into her fluffy, fluffy pillows. She hates not knowing what brought the nightmares, hates not remembering anything from her childhood. She doesn't like to hate things, but it seems that the only thing she doesn't hate is Derrick Harrington. And she doesn't like to need people, but lately she can't seem to find a way to deal without him. Dealing without him wouldn't be a problem anyways, because Derrick would never leave her.

Massie loathes the day when he does. She knows that nothing is forever, or she should know, because she sure doesn't like to act like it. She's always going to be that little girl, her hand warm in his equally small one. She'll never leave the memory of him. How she remembers only him from her childhood is a mystery to her. That's the only thing she remembers, his face.

She sits up, calm and taking deep breaths. In her mind, she's doing just that. If you were to look in at the sight, you would see a girl, screaming and crying into a bundle of blankets.

Being the person she is, her entire life is an illusion to her.

.

"_We'll begin, with a spin, traveling in the world of my creation..."_

_Large men are rushing into the backyard, heading towards the pool. Massie watches on through the window, amber eyes still bright like her imagination. She sees a little body being pulled from the water, and she soon realizes it's Derrick. _

_Excitement fills her entire little body, bubbling in her stomach and exploding like fire crackers everywhere else. She doesn't see the large men anymore, she only sees Derrick. He's floating through the air, and she smiles on at him, showing every one of her pretty white teeth._

_She can't contain herself anymore. Curls bounce as she jumps up and down, laughing and waving and calling out his name. _

"_Derrick! Was it fun? Derrick! Can ya hear me? Derry!"_

_She doesn't stop when strong hands lift her from her perch, and carry her upstairs to her room. Her little screams are heard all over, ringing through the air like the wind._

"_What we'll see, will defy explanation..."_

.

A few nights later, Massie is sitting on that window seat again. The window has been opened, and she's stuck her head out, looking into the stars.

"Massie!"

She looks down, smiling brightly. His face is everything she wanted to see and nothing she needed to go away. "Derrick."

He calls out to her again, that beautiful voice the very same as it was before. "The stars aren't as bright here in New York."

Massie laughs, as if he was being absurd. "If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it."

Derrick's hair ruffles in the wind, and Massie's nightgown does the same. They laugh together, being all to perfect in appearance, but messed up greatly in reality. Derrick lets out a breath, looking up at her like she was his world, all that he had. And she was, in some ways.

"You're wonderful, Massie."

She lets out a trilling giggle, light like her feathery hair. "Being wonderful is easy, Derrick. You just have to believe that you are, and soon other people will believe it, too."

He shakes his head. "You are, Massie. There's no need for pretending. I've known since the day I met you."

They stay like that for a long time, talking about nothing but saying everything.

.

_She's surrounded by large people in black, listening to sobs, wondering when she'll see Derrick again. Massie doesn't care for standing around some black box. A casket, she remembers the adults calling it. All she wants to do is get home, get back to the joys of Derrick. _

_Something tells her he won't be there. She doesn't listen._

.

"I'll have a salad."

Derrick smiles at her from across the table at the Outback Cafe. His smile is bright and all-knowing.

"What? Salad is healthy!"

They laugh together, voices mixing in perfect harmony.

The waitress looks down at her, concerned and a little freaked out. "Um, Miss, who are you talking to?"

The amber-eyed girl runs a hand through her light-brown curls. She's stopped laughing, now taking to sighing. "I'll just have that salad, all right?"

Without another word, the waitress leaves. Finally, Massie and Derrick can be together and alone, filling each other up with bubbly happiness and flowing affection.

.

"Massie Cordelia Block! Where have you been?"

She wants to tell them about Derrick. About how his eyes tell a story of a great adventure, and how they can look straight into her heart and soul. She wishes to rave to them on and on, about how his hands whisper secrets into her hair, how they leave a trail of goosebumps when he touches her arm.

Instead, she turns and walks up the stairs to her room, Derrick trailing behind her.

When would her parents understand? She felt like they didn't know her, like they didn't love her.

Soon enough, she would stop feeling that, and start knowing it.

.

They're sleeping in her bed, huddled together close. She's still cold, and she doesn't know why.

Pretty soon, she's there in her nightmares again. She's being pushed into a great body of water, plunging down deeper and deeper into the dark abyss.

She shoots up from her sleeping position, gasping and crying all at once. The screams don't take their time getting out of her, they escape from her mouth fast and loud. Nothing can stop them, nothing at all in this entire world can stop her from screaming right now, and she hates it. They are blood-curdling and heart-wrenching for anyone listening.

"Shh, Massie. It's okay," Derrick is cooing sweetly in her ear, but she can't stop. She's moved on to a combination of screams and sobs now, pulling at her hair and everything in sight. "It's okay, Massie, I love you."

Not even the words she'd wished to hear her entire life could stop the screaming.

.

When she next opens her eyes, she's laying down in an all-white room and she doesn't know how she got there. The bed beneath her is stiff and unwelcoming, and the papery gown is making her even colder.

She hears hushed whispers from outside the door. They don't know she's awake.

"We found her alone, screaming and crying... She said the name Derrick a few times."

"And who is that?"

"It's um, a boy. A little boy she used to know. You remember that front-page newspaper story of '97?"

"Ah..."

She ignores the rest of the whispers, moving on to looking at the large white wall. Soon she sees Derrick again, standing there and smiling at her. "Hey."

Massie rolls off the bed, rushing over to him. Her shouts are rushed and slurred together in her haste. "Derrick! Come on, we can leave this place! We can run off to Orlando together, we can finally be alone and together for real."

He's silent for a while, then says, "We could run away and never come back..."

Massie soon notices the broken-off rope tied around his ankle. Before she can say anything about it, large gusts of water a rushing in the room, flooding the small room. She screams, strangled by the waters. It would be a beautiful sight for an artist; a small girl being swirled around in gushes of water. It's not beautiful at all for Massie, and she's screaming and screaming. She reaches for Derrick, but he's gone.

The next thing she knows, there are hands on her shoulders, shaking her awake, and she's dry. Everything is dry and empty and ugly in this room.

"Where's Derrick?" She screams, but they're soon cut off as a sharp needle is pushed into her skin. Soon enough, her world is black and empty, the way it always will be.

.

"_Living there, you'll be free if you truly wish to be..."_

_It didn't matter that she was mad. Massie would live her life in that little white room, twirling around in the land of her nightmares, hoping to see Derrick again, maybe in the land of an unfamiliar dream. _

_._

_- fin_


End file.
